Innovations‘R’Us

I have discovered that there is a huge potential for automotive innovations for cars that are driven in our country. These innovations will make us Indians drive better and consequently, they’ll reduce violence, high tempers, heartburn and even sorrow. These ideas are all free and un-copyrighted. Entrepreneurs or automotive component makers who want to make quick money are welcome to pick any of these and make lots of money. Here goes (oh no, here we go again...)

HORNTOP fighter aircraft style safety horn button
The horn button will now be positioned on the dashboard and not on the steering. Keeping it on the steering gives easy access to the hands and that makes us honk as if the traffic in front will magically disappear. So the idea is to have a plastic flip-top cover over the horn button like in the F-16 which releases nuclear tipped missiles on the bad guys. With this feature, it will take extra effort to honk, and that means you will blast everybody’s ears only when you want to. The cover is spring-loaded, so it shuts the moment you remove your thumb. As a value-add, you can superimpose messages on the flip-top cover like ‘It’s too late to honk now’ or ‘Tinnitus is just a push away’, etc.

BACKLOOK inflatable rear-view mirrors
Some carmakers think that giving a left-side external rear-view mirror is a waste of money, since none of us Indians use it. The new invention I propose is an inflatable rear-view mirror that is triggered whenever you put on the turn indicators. But we usually don’t even use indicators, so to sort out that minor issue, a widget between the indicator mechanism and the steering wheel will ensure that you can’t turn the wheel unless you indicate. When not necessary, the mirror deflates and tucks inside the door automatically, so our carmakers will feel good that they did not actually provide a mirror. A low-cost version for bikes is also possible.   GOD-O-RAMA pop-up dashboard shrines
Another elegant and deeply religious idea influenced by the Spirit of Ecstasy on the Phantom. Our car dashboards are decorated with full-blown temples with bells, agarbattis, deities with pointy things and sometimes even in-house priests. They have the potential to transport us directly to heaven in case of an impact. So my suggestion is again simple yet brilliant. Sensors all around the car inform this high-tech shrine of an imminent impact and before that happens, the entire shrine gets swallowed into the dash. So nothing’s there to poke you! 

CALLFREEZE mobilephone ignition cut-off
This is a wonderful invention dedicated to all those two-wheeler riders who must absolutely speak on the cell while riding. Though there is no doubting their capability of being able to do these two diverse things at the same time, for some bizarre reason, it is not permitted by law. So to prevent dying, or worse, being fined by the cops, this rather intrusive technology immobilises the bike whenever the call on the cellphone is answered. The call can be then completed at ease. The bike starts when the cellphone sends it a message when you hang up. The best part is this technology exists. Simple, isn’t it? 

Of course I have more where they came from, for all kinds of contraptions powered by specimens on our roads. Do you have any? Let us know.