Greener than nought


To learn science and logic from the Americans today is like taking lessons in modesty from Rakhi Sawant. Americans are people who buy Hummers and plastic furniture, both of which are the same, except plastic furniture is faster and better built. Their only contribution to mankind has been the Dodge Charger. And Scarlett Johansson.

Yet, the US has been thriving on the concept of  the Green Car. Green cars are the automotive equivalent of sawdust. The green car has hung around since the last decade or so, like Rakhi Sawant, you could say. It's proving to be of no utility, no real fruitfulness and a fair bit of amusement to the ones with really lot of time to spare. This applies to both, you may note. We're constantly told that in the 'distant future', another term that's been the epitome of uncertainty, we are going to run out of fuel. No petrol, no diesel, no internal combustion. Life, the green folks at Mother Earth will tell you, is going back to eggs on the beach. No sex, please.

So how is the green car helping our cause? Well, in that little time between lunch and the second lunch, green cars make for interesting conversation. What Science Greenwhiz has forgotten is that the car itself is not the end of this world. No. In fact, it is only at the bottom of the pyramid. Automobile production involves trucks, aircraft and most importantly, man. To get from the production line to the showroom, you are going to need a truck. To pamper motoring scribes, you're going to have to put them on an aircraft. And without man, there won't be no car. Robots don't assemble themselves, remember?

So far, we've silently humoured highly optimistic manufacturers coming up with electric motorcycles, hatchbacks, saloons and sports cars. To power a 8x8 trailer however, you will need to have an electric motor the size of Gulliver and his travels. And to arrange for parts to assemble that trailer, you're going to have to ship components from some part of the world, obviously, on an electric ship. Electricity and water are not on talking terms, as you would know. This you may experience if you take a high voltage cable and jump start a bucket of water.

So that leaves us with aircraft. Four engines, half the world's horsepower and skimpily clad airhostesses have seldom retired to that dead space between Point A and B. Nothingness, as it is grimly referred to. So what are we getting at with green cars? Nothing. You can all go home now.