When I have nothing better to do – something that happens a lot – I write fantasy stories. No, not the erotic kind, unless you’re thinking steaming hot two-wheeler tales. One of my favourites opens with the usual gambit: butterflies trapped in inappropriate places, stomachs with recently lost bottom halves, etc. And the story ends gloriously on a note higher than the new R6’s redline: the very apex of my life, best thing I’ve ever done and so forth.
The story is set against the background of the tarmac and pits of Circuit de Catalunya or Assen or Spa-Francorchamps. The central characters are the rise and fall of a race-ready inline-four motor’s howl, Jeremy Burgess (who puts an arm around my nervous shoulders and says, ‘Come on mate, the bike’s good to go’) and a number 46 Yamaha.Sub-plots involve race team members who want my family jewels as a security deposit and one curly-haired Italian gent who walks by saying, ‘For sure you must watch out turn three. The motorbike turn very quickly, and you spin up if you not careful. Ciao!’
As I have come to realise since I hacked that story into the machine, journalists who get invited to ride MotoGP tackle at the end of the season are at the very peak of their careers. They’ve tested, ridden and networked enough to earn the full trust of race teams, who willingly hand out multi-million dollar motorcycles to them. To reach there, we have a long way to go.
In the meantime, we occupy ourselves with doing whatever comes closest. Today, for instance, we ride the 2005 Honda CBR1000RR Repsol Replica Fireblade. The sharp, even beaky motorcycle closely apes the look of the Honda RCV race bike in stock paint already. The Replica goes one better and (proudly) wears the main sponsor logos, stripes and flourishes. To stunning effect. You will note that the dream story is based in a Yamaha pit garage. But on the one hand, beggars cannot be (ungrateful) losers. And on the other, the bike looks so good, I’d happily settle for Hayden’s RCV if it ever came to that. So striking is the motorcycle’s appearance that I’d say the paintwork makes the headlamp, indicators and other trappings of the street look out of place. It is almost a surprise that the stickering isn’t shrink wrapped in lacquer and that ‘WARNING: RACE FUEL ONLY’ sign over the tank top is missing.
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